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A Month To View

PUBLISHED: 11:49 22 July 2011 | UPDATED: 19:26 20 February 2013

ILLUSTRATION: FLO FITZGERALD

ILLUSTRATION: FLO FITZGERALD

Sticky moments, needy <br/><br/>pets and other memorable information from Judi Spiers

Sticky moments, needy
pets and other memorable information from Judi Spiers



Eddie


Just as I was settling in to enjoy 2011, it happened. The moment I have dreaded ever since he came into my life as a tiny black feral kitten 11 years ago Eddie was knocked over. My Eddie bane of every rabbit, vole and stoat in the vicinity came up against something that didnt play dead! Now, like most of us, Ive lost parents and friends and relatives, and of course its dreadful. It knocks the stuffing out of you but theres something about a pet. I think its because they never seem to grow up so theyre always children to you helpless little things who cant even tell you where it hurts.
Thankfully he is still with us but, boy, have we found a raft of other problems! Hes got an underactive thyroid, high blood pressure and a lump that could be cancerous on his back. This means an awful lot of medication, and you know what its like to give a cat a pill. Jam it in a ball of cheese and hell gobble anything down, except that the thyroid pill (smaller than a paracetamol) has to be cut into, wait for it, eight pieces! So at 6.30 every morning, I can be found grinding pills between two spoons and wrapping the powder in cellophane wraps!



My Tune


Ed Welch is a lovely unassuming man who was responsible for the theme tunes for Blockbusters, Catchphrase and the National Lottery, and worked for years with Spike Milligan and Jim Henson. My abiding memory is of him sitting at the drums in a TV South West studio in a T-shirt with Judi written in pink glitter across it singing:
Judi, what a privilege it is to sit beside you,
Judi, I prayed for this for years,
Judi, theres so much Id like to know about you,
For example, is it Spiers or is it Speers?
I interviewed Ed recently about his one-man show at the Flavel in Dartmouth; not sure if he included this song in it or wore the T-shirt!



Canaps and Cars


Regular readers of this column will know I have a love/hate affair with miniature nibbles and cars, but throw in diamonds and champagne and I can be persuaded to look more than a little interested! The family firm recently put on a great evening in conjunction with Aston Martin and Panasonic. Aston Martin unveiled their new baby, the Cygnet, their eco-friendly answer to urban living their luxury city car. I overheard one wag say, Its basically a 30,000 bumper sticker that says My other car is another Aston Martin.
I was too busy cramming miniature fish cakes in my mouth to sit in it. Considering the amount of chilli jam dripping off my chin I thought it best not to slip into the passenger seat, literally.



Last Will and Testimony

Right up there in the fun stakes with cervical smears and doing the yearly accounts comes making a will. I leave it to him, he leaves it to me; in the event that we both die together in some freak accident, the younger is deemed to be the survivor! Not only do you have to take into consideration who you leave it to, but also what happens to it if they die. Its like doing your family tree. Ive had to make a list of names of relatives I barely know in case everyone is wiped out.
And its the first time in my entire life Ive heard the word testatrix (female will-maker). My only moment of enjoyment in the whole tedious experience was imagining that that would make my husband the testaticle. Sadly not. No wonder so many people leave it all to their cat. If Eddie wasnt looking so ropy it might be an idea certainly a lot easier!


Soap Box


Doesnt it make you mad when you phone a company to query an account or make a payment and they ask you a list of security questions about yourself and then tell you youve failed! What have I got wrong about myself? I asked a very nice lady the other day. I know its not my age, inside leg measurement or mothers maiden name. Could it be my work phone number, as the BBC has several?
Im sorry we cant tell you.
No, but you can take a 1,000 payment off me, cant you?
Yes. Ludicrous.



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