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A Month To View

PUBLISHED: 11:58 22 July 2011 | UPDATED: 19:15 20 February 2013

ILLUSTRATION: FLO FITZGERALD

ILLUSTRATION: FLO FITZGERALD

Judi Spiers wonders whether she really does need a new car after all

Judi Spiers wonders whether she really does need a new car after all




Ive been dithering about getting a new car for months now. Funny how everyone becomes Jeremy Clarkson when you let slip your plans. I"know all about the Dont buy a new one. Itll have lost 5,000 by the time it leaves the forecourt, or the Dont buy petrol, buy diesel its cheaper, quickly followed by Well, not any more, and you pay a premium for a diesel engine. And when girlfriends cant think of anything to add theres the Dont get white, its murder to clean. Oh, and so is black.


Then theres the drama of cash/HP/lease hire! All through my formative years, I happily looked at and bought cars, and have loved everything Ive ever had since my Fiat 500 through to my footballers gold Capri. Yes, thats right, a gold Capri, and I thought it was the dogs knees!
Wait a minute, there was my scarlet MGBGT. Youve heard of a the old Friday car? (Made at the end of the week when everyone was rushing to get home, so a few problems.) Well, this one must have been made on Friday night, at Christmas, in a leap year!"What a heap."Still, looked the part.


Anyway, having settled on what I considered to be a nice classy little number, I sorted out a test drive one Saturday lunchtime. Young lad gave me the keys (I resisted asking him if his mother knew he had a Saturday job) and off I went managing not to disgrace myself with the kangaroo petrol they seem to fill these new cars with.
What are you meant to do in a test drive? Three-point turn, emergency stop, hill start? I know, Ill go and get my veg. Well, Id forgotten my bags and wasnt about to pay for carriers, so I plonked it all on the front seat (the nice new leather front seat), and then when I got back to the garage transferred it all to my stained-fabric front seat, handed the keys over twittering about the stop/start ignition and torque or whatever the child seemed impressed anyway. Drove off down the road, glanced down at the veg. Leeks, broccoli, potatoes, carrots, cabbage... Wait a minute, cabbage, where is the cabbage?


Now I once drove round with a swede under my seat for three weeks not knowing what the smell was, and the thought of that lad telling people that Judi Spiers had test driven a car and left a terrible pong in it was too much to bear!"So I drove back, and with as much dignity as one can possibly muster when retrieving a cabbage from under the front seat of a brand new car, I retrieved my cabbage. I shall never forget the look of utter incomprehension from the lad when I shouted Crackerjack! followed by a maniacal laugh. Think Ill put the new car off for a bit longer.



RETAIL THERAPY

No such dithering when my sister (who knows where to buy anything and everything you never knew you needed, oh and lends me all her fabulous clothes, thank you, thank you, thank you) phoned to tell me that a new discount store from America specialising in furniture had opened in Taunton and that I might find those fabulous lamps and rugs I was looking for.


Well, such was the temptation that I forewent the omnibus edition of The Archers on Sunday morning and raced off as fast as my old reliable would allow. Eventually found the store, rummaged for a pound coin for a trolley (after all I was going to buy so much I would need a trolley), and raced around like a child in a sweet shop not knowing where to look first. Bumped into a journalist and his wife who I knew and could barely pause to talk to them lest anyone else should bag my bargains. An hour later I sheepishly returned my trolley and walked out with a bag of liquorice, a pack of dishcloths and a gravy jug!



SOAPBOX

What is it with these people who hang bags of dog poo off trees and hedges? Having bothered to take a bag out and clear up afterwards, is it their way of saying See what I have done?"How much I care for the environment and mankind. How clever am I?
Its becoming such a common sight, children are going to be playing I-spy the Dog poo tree. Listen you half a job Harrys, its not big (well, sometimes it is), and its certainly not clever. Nobody wants to see it; take it home!
Oh, and if youre driving, do check under the seats.



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