CHRISTMAS OFFER Subscribe to Devon Life today CLICK HERE

A Month to View

PUBLISHED: 09:22 09 December 2011 | UPDATED: 20:25 20 February 2013

A Month to View

A Month to View

Judi Spiers has a bit of an issue with instructions - unnecessary ones in particular

Christmas is the time of year when foot spas, yoghurt makers and all manner of electrical goods will be imaginatively wrapped as presents and all instructions will be lost. Instructions are the bane of my life. I come from a long line of family members who believe in unpacking all new goods, putting the paperwork away safely in a drawer, but never actually looking at them.



It doesnt matter what it is "television, medicine or skin cream its the unwavering belief that we can use the object without having to be talked through it; more importantly without having to look through 12 languages before we reach English. Besides which we are bombarded with unnecessary instructions on everything. From a hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping; from a carton of Tiramisu (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down; and my favourite on a childs Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly!


Dont even get me started on the clear bottles that have the small print on the back of the label, which you have to read through the bottle. And before you say they peel off, they dont!
But I am going to have break with family tradition and force myself to read the booklets, because Ive got...



THE NEW CAR



Lord, I thought I could drive. Hasnt technology moved on in the last few years? This thing practically drives and parks itself or would if I knew what to switch on! Its so much easier to press until something happens, even if it is with alarming results. We actually drove down to Cornwall with the windows open because we couldnt work out the fresh air blower thing! The Bluetooth for the mobile phone had been set up for me, but the shock of phoning someone (as a passenger, of course) and having them answer me through the radio turned me into Ma Clampett form the Beverley Hillbillies!
Its got one of those roofs that stacks away nicely in the boot at the touch of a switch reminiscent of Transformers, but the panic when it starts to rain and the roof wont go back. Because you havent pulled the parcel shelf across, as it clearly says in the pamphlet, Miss Spiers!
Its not just high-tech stuff either. What about



CLEANING THE TOILET



How hard can it be to clean a toilet? A squirt of the old canard with the bendy neck is as high-tech as I usually get. But trawling around the supermarket recently, determined to spend the required amount to get the triple points (you know, spend another 30 and if youre lucky youll have enough for a tin of Rover assorted), I spotted this thing that works like a syringe and plops a blob of blue gel on the back of the toilet bowl, thus avoiding the use of those terrifying germ-laden cages! The syringe contains 8 blobs, good for 70 flushes a blob. Great value, I thought. Even if I had wanted to read the instructions, they were printed on the inside of the box! So, in my usual gung-ho manner, I depressed the plunger fully and dispensed all 8! Half an hour later husband appeared and asked: How come we have a Portuguese Man O War splattered in the loo?
Looks quite pretty actually. Very Damien Hirst. Perhaps I should have offered to do the



CHRISTMAS LIGHTS



Lovely in Exeter this year after it was feared that due to rising costs we werent going to have any. I was ready with a great money-saving/eco-friendly suggestion from a Radio Devon listener. Issue everyone who wants to go shopping and get a Christmassy feel with a pair of clear goggles, which have been customised by local art students with hand-painted holly and fat robins on the lenses. Hand them back at the end of the day and store them again for next year!
PS Talking Christmas, I once had a leaflet on how to survive it Must be in that drawer. Have a good one!



Illustration by Flo Fitzgerald

0 comments

More from People

Friday, November 16, 2018

Actor Tom Burke talks to JUDI SPIERS about his production of Don Carlos staged by his own theatre company Ara, in association with Exeter’s Northcott Theatre

Read more
Wednesday, November 14, 2018

In the latest in her series throughout 2018 profiling inspirational women, KATE HASKELL talks to England Women’s Cricket Captain, Heather Knight

Read more
Friday, October 26, 2018

There is more to Georgia Toffolo than an award-winning TV show, as HOLLY EELLS discovers

Read more
Friday, October 26, 2018

Striving to be the best in the world, homegrown Devon professional squash player Lyell Fuller is seeking sponsorship to help reach his goal. KATE WILLAMS finds out more

Read more
Wednesday, October 24, 2018

Tavistock Rugby Club in Devon is celebrating after being awarded a grant of £2,500 to fund private showers for referees at their Sandy Park ground, as part of rural energy provider Calor’s annual funding scheme

Read more
Tuesday, October 9, 2018

Devon’s Wilfred Emmanuel-Jones, also known as The Black Farmer, tells KATE WILLIAMS about his new book, Jeopardy, encouraging the embracing of risk to enrich life

Read more
Tuesday, October 2, 2018

As five members of Dartmoor Search and Rescue Ashburton celebrate 125 years of collective volunteering, we look back on their time with the organisation

Read more
Tuesday, September 25, 2018

CAROLYN SEAGER reveals how long after her mother’s death she discovered her amazing career in the service of her country

Read more
Tuesday, September 18, 2018

An author known for her novels depicting life on the Channel Islands is nonetheless happiest writing from home here in Devon

Read more
Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Fig Tree Court is a development of 14 apartments in Tiverton for retired and semi- retired over-55s with gorgeous views over the Grand Western Canal

Read more
Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Alex Green goes behind the scenes on the Dartington Hall Estate to find a community of artists, makers, farmers, and social entrepreneurs living out the legacy of its founders

Read more
Tuesday, September 4, 2018

Many people know of award-winning Roly’s Fudge, but do they know how much hard work and business insight goes into making it?

Read more
Tuesday, September 4, 2018

Topsham businessmen Steve Williams and Pete Woodham-Kay take an ethical stance on eating meat | Photos: Nick Hook

Read more
Tuesday, August 28, 2018

As llama love grips the nation, we meet a Dartmoor couple who have spent the last 11 years making them their livelihood | Words: Lydia Tewkesbury

Read more

Newsletter Sign Up

Sign up to the following newsletters:

Sign up to receive our regular email newsletter

Our Privacy Policy



Topics of Interest

Food and Drink Directory

Subscribe or buy a mag today


subscription ad

Local Business Directory

Property Search