Holness Holds Forth - December 2007

Above: Holness Holds Forth

Leave the dishes to drain, says Pat. Save that check tea towel for the minuscule shepherd’s headdress!

Hopefully we’ve managed another year without the December Doomwatch turning the traditional infant nativity into notivity. In another life I was a kindergarten teacher, so I’m no stranger to infant nativity plays. Years later they’re still the highlight of the primary school Christmas, especially here in Devon, where our children have a better chance than some of seeing real animals like those in the stable of old.

I’ve done nativity plays as a kid, a teacher and a mum and it’s mum who has my heartfelt sympathy during the run-up to the Big Day. It’s the dreaded note that does it – you know, the one that says, "Belinda has been chosen to play the part of an angel" or "Billy is to be a wise man", and without reading on, you know exactly what’s coming next. Yes, it’s the plea for a costume. Furthermore, you can be positive that no matter how many mums, aunts and grans before you have made outfits for the entire cast, from Mary to the Umpteenth Mouse and donated them to the school, not one of these ready-made garments from the dressing-up box will fit your little darling. There’s no getting away from it, a new costume is required.

Ah, but here’s where today’s mums are one up. It took many years for them to cotton on, but eventually some enterprising stores worked out that there was a market for nativity costumes, so supposing she hasn’t already spent the entire Christmas budget and more besides, mum can always purchase the necessary and, in the case of the shepherd, simply add the tea towel.

But she needs to shop early. Last year a mother of my acquaintance arrived at the shops when all they had left was a fairy outfit. This was fine until the Angel Gabriel arrived at the annunciation, tapped the Virgin Mary twice on the shoulder with a sparkly wand and recited what appeared to the audience to be a spell for a baby.

As far as the notivity’s concerned, there’s a modern leaning to swap the traditional for the trendy and upbeat. I hope it never happens in the Devon schools I visit as a radio presenter. The manger scene is a beautiful story and you can’t beat the youngsters’ interpretation. We all treasure the moment when things go a bit awry. Like the little innkeeper who, bored with the whole thing and longing to get it over with, answered Joseph’s question, "Any room at the inn?" with a piping "Yes, plenty!"

Or the little chap playing Joseph who looked at the three wise men arriving at the inn and announced, "That’s the same presents the baby got last year!"

And we mustn’t forget the shepherd who uses his crook to hook an angel round the neck, or the little Mary who holds baby Jesus upside down by one ear. It’s the priceless stuff that memories are made of and, like many others, I wouldn’t miss our local production. I shall take a check tea towel with me, of course. Is it in case one of the shepherds forgets his, or maybe to wipe away the odd emotional tear?

I’ll leave that to you to decide. Merry Christmas!